Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Honeymoon is over. Maybe it's just time to give up.

I'm very seriously considering no meds. None. Zero. Zip. There has YET to be a single drug (regardless of type) out of the 10+ that we have tried that works and works consistently. The Intuniv was great for a few to many days. Days. That's it. Not even a week. I just feel like there's no point anymore in trying and trying, hoping and praying and failing and disappointment. We meet with Ava's pdoc next weekend. I'm going to talk of weaning. Nothing does more than take the edge off for more than 4-5 days. There just seems to be no point in medicating anymore.

The more I look at what I've written above the more I think it would appear as though Ava's behavior would then be considered a behavioral issue. One would think. One would WISH. And I would often probably convince myself of this but time and time again, Ava shows no concern for consequences. NONE. I've taken away her going to playdates, birthday parties, kept her from dance class (her one true love), grounding - you name it, we've done it. Rewarding her, praising her - nope. She doesn't care. There is no single consequence and no reward that can return her from the dark side. So, in my opinion she's defenseless against the dark side. And so am I.

8 comments:

  1. I feel your frustration. Our doctor wants to add a 3rd drug. It just feels wrong in my gut. Why doesn't 1 medication work, it seems we are always chasing the stability. It can all be very disappointing.

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  2. T is on Intuniv as well & I can't see any change at all. Supposedly it's for impulsiveness, uh, it's not working!

    I'm right there with you my friend. Although we tried no meds for 3 weeks & it was hell. yes, worse than it is right now :(

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  3. has she been tested for Temporal Lobe Epilepsy, and/or have you used/tried any anti-seizure meds? she sounds so much like my daughter... just wondering. we are dealing w/ADHD, TLE, IED and BP NOS. After 3 yrs and much "experimenting" (man I hate how that sounds) with different med combos, we've finally found a cocktail that seems to help. And I do mean help- not fix, she still has her moments, they are just fewer and less frequent. I will keep you in my prayers.Hang in there, Mom. I know a long drive to nowhere sounds really tempting sometimes.

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  4. I have been there too-wanting to take Kenz off all medicine and we did wean her off almost all of it last Jan. and it was Hell-so hang in there-I think it is so hard with kids because their body is changing so much especially teenagers. But you may need to try it and see what happens. I am glad we tried taking her off of stimulants because we realized that they helped her way more than hurt her. She needs them to function. Did you ever try amantadine with Ava? And also, I know that sometimes you think maybe it is behavioral, always second guessing yourself but realize it is not--some of it may be but there is an obvious brain disorder of some kind-it is figuring it out that is so hard and figuring out what meds. will work too. We have tried at least that many maybe more before we found some that really work and there are still moments. It will never be a total fix. Hang in there. And hugs! Amy

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  5. I have a daughter and son who have the same issues. Daughter 19 and resistant to help. Son 9 and on Abilify and Lamictal. ASD and BP and OCD Try Positive Instead of Traditional partenting. The take away method doesnt work! Study and try to change your mind set. Positive works! Learn how to positively reinforce good behavior! Unless they are in harms way! Ignore the bad and praise the good.

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  6. How are things going? I just wondered if you had taken her off all meds or held off on that. Also, forgive me, I don't remember if I asked you about the typical med protocol for bipolar disorder in kids (the mix that seems to work for most, but not all kids) which is one or two mood stabilizers and an atypical anti-psychotic. A cocktail of meds seems to work better than just one in most kids. I know you have tried everything, but sometimes it isn't so much finding one med that works, but several that work together. This is better than hell, as hard as it is to load up our kids with meds. We have learned this over seven years, and have seen this time and again with other bp kids. Hang in there! Take hope, you are not alone in this!

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  7. OMG I could have written this blog myself!!! Why did you stop updating??? I'm almost desperate to hear how you guys are doing now almost a year out from where I am presently!!! I want to hear that you finally stumbled upon the *magic* combo of meds and/or alternative therapies that finally really helped, not for a week or two months, but ongoing improvement. I want to hear that your lives are some kind of "normal" now and that maybe your BP child is almost indistinguishable from other children. I want to hear all this because I pray so hard that we can find the *miracle* for our son, but I am losing hope and patience and all of my tomorrows in the meantime. I love him, but I can't even be nice to him anymore sometimes. I have a wall up so high, that even when he's not raging and abusing us, I can't jump my wall to love him. It's bad. I cry a lot, sad heartbroken tears and hot angry tears, tears of embarrassment, tears of resentment, tears of fear and tears of hopelessness. I hate this illness so much.

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    Replies
    1. You just described my feeling towards my son. The wall...I have one too.

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