I worry so often about the mother I am to Ava.
Do I favor the my other children?
Do I passively punish her in ways I don't realize for the terror she puts us through?
Do I cut her short of the true emotion and love I could give her? I worry keeping myself open for raw emotion between the two of us is far to dangerous for me.
Do I yell to much?
Do I blame her personally to much?
Do I measure the fine line between mental illness and normal 7 yo behavior as incorrectly as I feel I probably do?
Do I love her, fully, completely, unconditionally the way that I love her siblings despite of her disorder?
I worry so often that I have prepared a speech in my head for the day she comes to me as an adult and wishes to discuss my parenting. That day will come, I know it will. And when I tell her I did the very best that I could, will that be enough?